Thanks Mom, You’re The Best

“UGH! What is your problem? I’ll clean up later,” Heather sighed heavily as she finished lacing up her shoe and brushed past Josh in the narrow hallway of their apartment.

“But that’s just it,” said Josh, following after her. “You never seem to get around to it. We’ve been living together for what…six months? and I haven’t seen you clean anything yet!”

“It’s no big deal. Lighten up. I promise, if it gets real bad, I’ll get around to. Right now, I’m going for a run. Come on Disco.” She grabbed the dog’s leash off the hook by the door and slammed it behind her. Geesh, what a nag, she thought as she walked briskly toward the trail, a frisky 2-year-old chocolate lab leading the way. He’s starting to sound just like my mother.

Josh was still fuming when he answered the phone a few minutes later, “Hello,” he barked into the receiver. “Oh, hi Mom. No, it’s Heather…we just had another huge fight. I can’t get her to clean up after herself. She’s such a slob.”

“Honey, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that girl has some serious issues. You were not raised to live in filth. I can’t even imagine….why don’t you bring your laundry over here. I’ll fix you a nice dinner while your clothes are in the wash.

“Mom, it’s not that bad…and we kinda have plans tonight…”

“Let me ask you something Josh…is this the woman you plan on marrying?”

“No,” Josh admitted.

“Then it’s time, isn’t it?”

“Yes ma’am.”

When Heather and Disco returned from their run an hour later, Peggy was standing in the middle of the living room with her arms across her chest. A burly man stood behind her.

“Oh, hi Mrs. Denton…where’s Josh?” Heather asked as she looked around nervously. Her eyes landed on the stranger.

“Josh is not here and he’s not coming back until you’re gone. I am here, along with Raul, to escort you and all of your belongings out of the apartment. Josh is breaking up with you.”

“Wait. What? Who has their mother break up for them when they’re 25 years old?” Heather’s mind was spinning. This is crazy. But she’s secretly relieved because all she could think about while on her run was how she could get Josh to move out.

Peggy interrupted her thoughts. “I am prepared to pay for one week at the Extended Stay motel near your office, or Raul will take you to your mother’s house. You have 15 minutes to gather your things. We brought boxes.”

Two hours later Josh came home to a clean apartment. Not only was Heather and all her crap gone, but good old Mom had the place cleaned too! What a deal. One of these days I’ll find the right woman and Mom won’t have to break up for me anymore.

Josh picked up the phone and dialed. “Thanks Mom, You’re the Best.”

4 thoughts on “Thanks Mom, You’re The Best

    1. So glad to have you back. I thought you just didn’t love me anymore. Because it’s all about me, you know 🙂 hope you’re doing well. How are things with the book?


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